Mr Grumpy: A month long gripe

Nov 14 2008 By Peter Stokes

Peter Stokes shares his gripes over the media, binge drinking, and a lack of discipline in society.

October 2008

30th - The lying mad-dog media would have us believe that Charles de Menezes was shot seven times in the head without warning. The inference being, presumably, that our boys in blue should have given de Menezes a warning. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. One thing is for sure, The Manual of Guidance issued by the Association of Chief Police Officers states that Armed Officers should identify themselves as such and give a clear warning of their intent to use firearms, with sufficient time for the warnings to be observed, UNLESS to do so:

a) would unduly place any person at a risk of death or serious harm or

b) would be clearly inappropriate in the circumstances of the incident

29th - The nation should be truly grateful to Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross. Between them they’ve managed, at a stroke, to kick sand into the faces of thousands of Apathetic A*******s who, until now, never thought to question the rights and freedoms of the lying mad-dog media. Hopefully, somebody will now demand that the more smutty and unwholesome creatures lurking within the media should be denied direct access to the impressionable young minds of the nation’s dimwits and juvenile snots.

29th - Debbie Purdy lost her appeal in the High Court for the law on assisted suicide to be legally clarified. No doubt lot’s more money and time will be spent pursuing the many and varied legal rights and wrongs of this matter. None of which is likely to increase the quality of life for Debbie Purdy or her husband. Have we become such slaves to the law that it has become impossible for somebody with a bit of authority, compassion and common sense to make Debbie’s day by having a quite word in her ear to confirm there was no way her husband was going to end up in jail?

26th - A criminal case has collapsed because a court has ruled that civilian Dedicated Detention Officers (DDO’s) who have assumed some of the administrative duties previously performed by our boys in blue, don’t have sufficient legal powers to do the job. The House of Commons Home Affairs Committee is now investigating the matter. Hungry lawyers are poised, slavering from the mouth, at the prospect of quashing thousands of ‘unsafe’ convictions on a legal technicality. No doubt some fine person in authority will step in and deny the legal profession their carnal pig-fest rights by insisting that everybody observes the spirit/intent of the law as well as the letter of the law. Fat chance!

21st - Suddenly, everybody is being made aware of how dependent we all are on the contribution made by the business community. All major parties and the lying mad-dog media are vying with one another to propose business concessions, all of which appear to have the tacit support of everybody who would normally be moving heaven and earth to oppose such proposals. Are the tiny little minds of the public labouring under the delusion that it only makes sense to support our business community at times of crisis?

19th - The media is now filling our heads with fears related to unemployment and the cost of supporting the growing number of unemployed. The Grumpies, instead of distributing hard cash to the world’s needy (much of which ends up in the wrong hands) would use it to train a million strong task force capable of building cheap accommodation and support facilities for communities in need, both at home and overseas. ‘Volunteers’ would be drawn from the unemployed. Priority will be given to work-shy spongers, - especially those feigning sickness or incapacity.

19th - Wicked policemen are attempting to gain new powers that will allow them to increase the size/value of the national DNA database. They believe this will help them identify and capture more criminals/terrorists. Human rights activists fear this could lead to decent hardworking folk having their DNA stored and being wrongly accused of crimes due to cross-contamination. They want us to worry ourselves sick that our hard-won rights and freedoms are being eroded. The Grumpy Party will ensure the DNA of anybody and everybody whose feet ever touch British soil, including all temporary visitors, will be permanently recorded on our national database. Our boys in blue will know who, when and how anybody and everybody enters or leaves our shores. Records will be shared with all governments who pay more than lip service to protecting their citizens from villains, homicidal maniacs, terrorists.

17th - Most public sector employees are entitled to a highly desirable index linked pension based on their final salary - which private sector workers fund to the tune of £20 billion annually. This perk may have been justified when public sector salaries were inferior to those paid to private sector employees (and people didn’t live for so long) but now, if anything, public sector salaries are superior to those paid in the private sector. The government made a pathetic attempt to revise the pension arrangements for new employees in the public sector but bottled out because they couldn’t afford to risk losing crucial votes/jobs and financial support by upsetting the unions. This totally unacceptable and unsustainable arrangement will continue to be a drain on the private sector until the Grumpy Party seizes power. We’ll immediately stop offering unsustainable pensions to all new public sector employees. We’ll also freeze (for a time) salaries of all public sector employees whose salaries exceed those of comparable private sector jobs

16th - The ‘Wild Runts’ gang consisted of two girls and seven boys aged between twelve and sixteen. They intimidated local residents by hurling abuse, damaging cars, and burning property. After months of complaints they were finally apprehended, named and shamed, threatened with jail and given ASBOS. The severity of their punishment will, no doubt, cause each and every one of these little maggots to morph into model citizens. Dream on! The Grumpies promise to reintroduce various forms of ever-so-caring corporal punishment, all calculated to induce the sort of fear, pain and terror that will encourage most juvenile snots to want to pursue more constructive forms of entertainment..

14th - Peter Mandelson prematurely resigned his job as EU Commissioner after being invited to join the cabinet by the PM but is still entitled to a million pound golden handshake from the European Commission and lots of other financial goodies. What concerns me is that this sort of fat-cat deal is likely to be reflected in the terms and conditions of untold numbers of self-serving politicians employed by the European Commission.

13th - A 13-year-old yob shouts vile abuse at a woman. Her husband remonstrates with him but is told, “You can’t touch me, I’ll get you sacked.” The man admitted he took hold of said yobs shoulder, which, in the eyes of the magistrate, constitutes an assault. The man was subsequently convicted, given an absolute discharge but is now the proud possessor of a criminal record. He’s lost his job and has had to pay court costs. A spokesman said the CPS only brings a prosecution if it’s in the interests of the public and enough evidence to convict is available. Poppycock! How many more of these travesties of justice do I have to bring to your attention before your blood starts to boil and you decide to add your name to a Grumpy petition?

13th - So, now Britain is a few more hundred £billion deeper in debt. Who’s to blame? Well, there are the greedy financial executives who knowingly bundled leprous mortgages together to sell, there are the greedy bankers who knowingly bought and sold them on and there are the greedy politicians who knowingly turned a blind eye to what was going on and merrily trousered the extra tax revenues. Oh, and then there are the millions of ever-so-greedy dimwits who made it all possible by knowingly borrowing loads of money to buy lots of lovely must-have things they knew they couldn’t possibly afford.

13th - It’s been suggested that pubs/clubs should stop giving free drinks to women. The drinks industry object to this suggestion on the basis that many pubs and bars are struggling to stay in business. So what! Any organisation incapable of trading without having to resort to shovelling excess amounts of alcohol down the throats of our fair young maidens should be fined and allowed to rot. The Grumpy Team will, immediately after having seized power, swiftly reduce binge-drinking by authorizing our boys in blue to hose down and jail drunken louts incapable of conducting themselves in public in a civilised manner. All police and hospital expenses will be shared between the nation’s drunken sots and the drinks industry.

10th - Congratulations. The British Medical Association decided the NHS should continue to provide free care to patients who opt to dip into their savings to pay for drugs and treatments deemed to be too expensive for use by the NHS. Unfortunately, instead of telling the government to immediately implement the decision, they want a royal commission to review the subject and report back next year. One of the stated reasons for this decision was the fear that top-ups would create an unacceptable two-tier health system consisting, presumably, of people with savings and those who hadn’t bothered to save. Obviously, those who managed to save some money must be denied the right to use it to relieve their pain for fear of upsetting those who haven’t bothered to save. Long live the dog-in-the-manger principle.

10th - Fears are being voiced that prison inmates aren’t being properly controlled by prison staff. Apparently, bleeding heart liberals in the Prison Service are being blamed. This has all come as a bit of a surprise. Surely, everybody knows that genuine self-respecting louts and villains will always respond far more favourably to limp- wristed politicians threatening to be, ‘tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime’ than ever they would to those (like the Grumpies) capable of introducing them to an ever-so-caring but totally merciless regime of fear, pain, terror, deprivation and death.

9th - £53 million was paid last year by British taxpayers to drivers and their ambulance-chasing lawyers who reckoned pot-holes etc. in the road were to blame for damaging their vehicles. Guess how much of that money related to spurious claims made by lying thieving cheating opportunists and their lawyers?

7th - Corporate giants, not for the first time, are now balancing their own cash-flows by deliberately taking longer to pay vulnerable suppliers. It’s reckoned that one in ten small companies fail because large clients refuse to pay them within a reasonable time. The Grumpy Team will immediately outlaw this practice.

1st - Family-man Frank McGarahan didn’t die. A gang of juvenile snots ignominiously kicked him to death after he’d gone to the assistance of a Lithuanian man and his girl friend being attacked by the gang. If convicted, the murderers will be housed in comparative comfort for a number of years before being released. Their human rights will, of course, be regarded as sacrosanct. The harsh penalty paid by these murdering swine will undoubtedly cause other gangs to think twice before kicking other innocent members of the public to death whenever the mood takes them. Some hope! The Grumpies will publicly hang, draw and quarter all such murdering scum - within hours of a guilty verdict having been declared.

Peter Stokes, Party Leader, The Grumpy Old Men Political Party.

www.thegrumpyoldmenpoliticalparty.org.uk